It can be difficult to tell someone you are interested in you are a virgin. Especially if you know they are sexually active, or VERY sexually active. Do you tell them before you guys get to really liking each other? Do you tell them middway through? Do you tell them when they start making sexual advances to you? Do you tell them right before they think they are bout to have sex with you? WHEN DO YOU TELL THEM?!
Well there really isn’t a clear cut answer. But from experience I can tell you what has and hasn’t not worked really well.
#1-The Blurt it
This seems like the most honest way to approach it right? Let them know straight up so they can make a decision and it is out in the open. Yeah…it appears like that. But from plenty of trial an error I can tell you it is not! You start off the relationship with sex (or the lack of it) as the focus. It will be very hard to recover from this. For you and for them. You may end up feeling rejected if they start treating you differently or fail to continue to pursue you. You’ll look at your virginity as a curse, and may even think that you should just have sex with this person so they’ll get to know you and like you. Horrible right? Sounds pretty darn desperate and lonely. If someone doesn’t want to get to know you until after they have sex with you that is a big problem…a big problem with them. However that doesn’t negate the fact that you may start to feel a little horrible about yourself, and you shouldn’t. If someone will reject you for that, you wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with them anyway. Imagine the other problems you will face? Problems that are bigger than Vagina and Penis.
It can also turn into a game. They will want to try and get you to have sex with them for their own personal ego, not because they even like you. Do you really want to spend your time with someone whose primary goal is to be nice to you so they can get in your pants? This happened to me. I told a guy I was a virgin, and he was very receptive to it. He asked me a series of questions and SEEMED very respectful. But surely in a short amount of time, I could tell he was really interested in trying to make me well…you know.
To any men out there who are virgins, women can be guilty of this too. they take it as a personal rejection and women do not like to be rejected. They will try and do anything to try and change your mind. Don’t give in if that is not what you want to do. Kudos to you too. Especially in a world where your virginity is often not respected.
#2 The wait
I have found myself and Bodacious Bunny have found more success with this. Spending time with someone where sex isn’t the focus has them get to know you, and like you. Waiting to tell them is a better option. It is a nervous time. Don’t get me wrong. There is always still the possibility for rejection even though you know each other now. They could suddenly reduce the amount of time they contact you (or stop contacting you at all) or better yet tell you flat out that is not what they want to deal with. Which in turn you have to respect, but it doesn’t mean it hurts any less. Especially if you have established a connection. You possibly could have just been “friend zoned”. Waiting can also be great! The person may be completely receptive and respect what you have told them and you can continue to move forward. What a relieving feeling. *sigh*
#3 The Dangerous Moment
I like to label this period of time as the dangerous moment. This is where you share your virginity when you are already in precarious situation ie: Messing around on a bed, making out and hands are all over. From my experience (as you can tell in our previous stories) men move quick lol Especially if they have sex on the mind. He may whip out his peen so fast you don’t even have time to register what is going on because you know sex is not your goal. It is a dangerous moment because the person could become enraged and you could be looking at yourself in a sketchy position, or they are so hot and bothered they will tell you whatever they think you need to hear for you to drop your undies (including telling you how hot you are, how bad they want you, maybe even dropping the “L” word). Or they could be respectful and respect the boundaries you should have established. More often then not in this situation they will probably have a look of irritability and disappointment on their face as they tell you “that’s is fine”.
This will make you ponder if you should have told them from jump, or if you should have waited but not waited as long as you did. It is a tricky place to be.
The Moral-The moral of the story is: It’s not going to be a comfortable situation. Hopefully you chose a good person who sees you as more than in between your legs. You just have to be prepared to respect that if they don’t want to be with you because of your virginity that has nothing to do with you, but only their personally choice. The worst thing you can do is have sex with someone because you want them to like you more. Don’t you hear those horror stories from people? They have regrets about people they have had sex with because they wanted them to like them more, or to have a leg up on someone else. I don’t want to have that and I would like to minimize that feeling for anyone who is sexually active.
Learn and love: